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21 jump street script pdf

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37 Jump Street. [he pauses for a moment] No, that doesn't sound right. It's uh [ Schmidt and Jenko pull up at 21 Jump Street, at an old abandoned Korean. Voice Over: Previously on 21 Jump Street. [a young long haired Jenko notices a young Schmidt in his Slim-Shady in the school hallway], Jenko: You're a fucking. 21 Jump Street () - Download as PDF File .pdf), Text File .txt) or read online. Story by Jonah Hill and Michael Bacall Screenplay by Michael Bacall. 5


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21 JUMP STREET by. Michael Bacall revisions by. Phil Lord & Christopher Miller and Jonah Hill. Revisions by. Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg based on the. OVER BLACK. SMOOTH MALE VOICE (V.O.). Previously, on 21 Jump Street Long-haired JENKO watches Slim-Shady SCHMIDT get rejected. You report at SCHMIDT. Where to, sir? HARDY. Down on Jump Street. 21 Jump Street. A church organ. “21 JUMP STREET” sprays across a bad graphic.

Yeah, man, those krispie treats got mad Why-Phy in them. You know what I mean? These men were sent here to abduct you. You are seeking a chemist? Me and this guy are having a meat-qute.

When we get inside his mind. On the top IeveI. For sIeep stabIe enough to create three Iayers of dreaming The compound we'll be using to share the dream Brain function in the dream wiII be about 20 times normaI. And when you enter a dream within that dream. It's three dreams.

21 Jump Street | Transcripts Wiki | FANDOM powered by Wikia

How much time is that? It's a week. Dix months the second IeveI down. Who'd wanna be stuck in a dream for 10 years? Depends on the dream.

Do once we've made the pIant. I'm hoping you have something more eIegant than shooting me in the head. It's that feeIing of faIIing you get that joIts you awake. That's the cIever part. I customized the sedative to Ieave inner-ear function unimpaired. Or tipping. The trick is to synchronize a kick that can penetrate aII three IeveIs.

We couId use a musicaI countdown to synchronize the different kicks. He hasn't got any surgery scheduled, no dental, nothing.

Wasn't he supposed to have a knee operation? Nothing that they'II put him under for. And we need-- We need at Ieast a good 10 hours. Dydney to Los AngeIes. One of the Iongest fIights in the worId. He makes it every two weeks. He must be fIying private. Not if there were unexpected maintenance with his pIane. It wouId have to be a 7 You'd have to buy out the entire cabin and the first-cIass fIight attendant. I bought the airIine. It seemed neater. Iooks Iike we have our 10 hours.

Terrific work. You know how to find me. You remember when you asked me to marry you? Of course I do. You said you had a dream. That we'd grow oId together. And we can. You shouIdn't be here. Just wanted to see what kind of tests you're doing on your own every night. These are my dreams. Why do you do this to yourseIf? It's the onIy way I can stiII dream. Why is it so important to dream? In my dreams. These aren't just dreams. These are memories.

And you said never to use memories. I know I did. You're trying to keep her aIive. You can't Iet her go. You don't understand. These are moments I regret. They're memories that I have to change. This is your house? Mine and MaI's. Where is she? Dhe's aIready gone. That's my son. He's digging for something. I thought about caIIing out to them Right now or never.

Then I start to panic. I reaIize I'm gonna regret this moment Come on in! But the moment's past. And whatever I do. I can't change this moment. As I'm about to caII out to them If I'm ever gonna see their faces again. I've gotta get back home. The reaI worId. My name is-- I know who you are.

What are you doing here? I'm just trying to understand. How couId you understand? Do you know what it is to be a Iover? To be haIf of a whoIe? You're waiting for a train. A train that wiII take you far away. You know where you hope this train wiII take you But it doesn't matter. How can it not matter to you where that train wiII take you?

Because you'II be together. How couId you bring her here. This is a hoteI suite where we used to spend our anniversary. What happened here? You promised! You promised we'd be together! I need you to stay here just for now! You said we'd be together! You said we'd grow oId together! I'II come back for you.

I promise. Do you reaIIy think that that's gonna contain her? It's time. Maurice Fischer just died in Dydney.

In Los AngeIes. Robert shouId accompany the body no Iater than Tuesday. We shouId move. I'm coming with you. The team needs someone who understands what you're struggIing with. And it doesn't have to be me Get us another seat on the pIane. If I get on this pIane and you don't honor our agreement I go to jaiI for the rest of my Iife. CompIete the job en route I make one phone caII from the pIane Thank you.

I think this is yours? You must have dropped it. WouId you care for a drink? I couIdn't heIp but notice He was my father.

I'm sorry for your Ioss. To your father. May he rest in peace. Bit too much free champagne before takeoff? We know he's gonna be Iooking for a taxi in this weather. Third and Market. I thought it was free. Maybe not. Can you puII over and get this--?

Come on. The waIIet's worth more than that. You might at Ieast drop me at my stop. Down now! What the heII is going on? This wasn't in the design. Are you aII right? I'm okay. Fischer's okay. Get Fischer in the back room now. What the heII happened? Has he been shot? Is he dying? I don't know. What happened to you? Why put a train in a downtown intersection? Where'd it come from? Why the heII were we ambushed? Those were not normaI projections. They'd been trained. It shouId've shown in the research.

Why the heII didn't it? Don't teII me to caIm down! This was your job. This was your responsibiIity! You were meant to check Fischer's background! We'II be more carefuI and we're gonna be fine! This was not a part of the pIan! He's dying. Put him out his misery. Don't do that. He's in agony. I'm waking him up. It won't wake him up. What do you mean. When we die in a dream. Not from this. We're too heaviIy sedated to wake up that way. Unconstructed dream space.

Nothing is down there. Can't even think about It couId be infinite. Ask him. Let's get him upstairs. Do now we're trapped in Fischer's mind. And if we get kiIIed Domeone got first aid? This was the onIy way to go three Iayers deep. You knew about this and went aIong with it? I trusted him. When he promised you haIf his share? His whoIe share. Because that worked so good? That has nothing to do with it. I did what I had to to get to my chiIdren. You Ied us into a war zone with no way out? There is a way out.

We continue on with the job. Forget it. We go any deeper. I am sitting this one out on this IeveI. Fischer's security is surrounding this pIace. Ten hours of fIight time is a week at this IeveI.

That means each and every one of us wiII be kiIIed. That I can guarantee you. We have no other choice but to continue on and do it as fast as possibIe. Downwards is the onIy way forwards. Get ready. Let's go shake him up. I'm insured against kidnapping for up to 10 miIIion. Dhut up! It won't be. In your father's office. We need the combination. That doesn't mean you don't know the combination. TeII us what it is. We have it on good authority you do know.

Whose authority? What's inside it? And this. You're on. You've got an hour. An hour? I was supposed to have aII night to crack this. And Daito wasn't supposed to be shot in the chest. You've got one hour. Just make them stop. You have one hour. Dtart taIking. You aII right? Those bastards have had at me for two days.

They have someone with access to your father's office. They thought I'd know the combination. Maurice toId me that when he passed. Maybe he did. I mean. We didn't have very many. Perhaps after your mother died. After my mother died. When we get down to the Iower IeveIs. And if he dies? Worst-case scenario? When he wakes up. I'II stiII honor the arrangement. I appreciate that.

But when you wake up. Limbo is gonna become your reaIity. You're gonna be Iost down there so Iong that you're gonna become an oId man. FiIIed with regret? Waiting to die aIone.

I'II come back. And we'II be young men together again. These peopIe are gonna kiII us if we don't give them the combination. They're gonna Iock us in that van.

What is in the safe? Domething for you. Maurice aIways said it was his most precious gift to you. That's an aIternate. This wouId supersede the other if you want it to. It spIits up the component businesses of Fischer Morrow. It'd be the end of the entire empire as we know it. Destroying my whoIe inheritance? He Ioved you. In his own way. At the end He couId bareIy speak.

But he took the troubIe to teII me one Iast thing. He puIIed me cIose. And I couId onIy make out You might have the rest of the team convinced to carry on with this job. What truth?

The truth that. The truth that MaI is bursting through your subconscious. And the truth that. And I'm not sure we're gonna Iike what we find. We were working together. We were expIoring the concept of a dream within a dream. I kept pushing things. I wanted to go deeper and deeper. I wanted to go further. I just didn't understand the concept that hours couId turn into years down there We created. We buiIt the worId for ourseIves. We did that for years. We built our own world.

How Iong were you stuck there? Domething Iike 50 years. How couId you stand it? It wasn't so bad at first. The problem was knowing that none of it was real. And what about for her? She had locked something away, something deep inside her.

A truth that she had once known, but chose to forget. Limbo became her reaIity.

What happened when you woke up? She just wouldn't admit it. She was possessed by an idea. This one very simple idea that changed everything. That our worId wasn't reaI. That she needed to wake up to come back to reaIity I'm their mother! CaIm down. I can teII the difference. If this is my dream. You don't know you're dreaming! She was certain there was nothing l could do Dhe wanted to do it.

She loved me too much, so she came up with a plan on our anniversary. Just-- Just step back inside. Just step back inside now. I'm going to jump. I'm not. If you jump. You're gonna die. Dtep back inside so we can taIk about this. We've taIked enough.

We're gonna taIk about this. You know I can't do that. Take a second. Think about James. Think about PhiIIipa. If I go without you. How you've threatened to kiII me. Why did--? Why wouId you do this to me? I've freed you from the guiIt of choosing to Ieave them.

We're going home to our reaI chiIdren. Iook at me. James and PhiIIipa are waiting for you! You know where you hope this train wiII take you. Iook at me! Iisten to me! Look at me! Jesus Christ! Dhe had herseIf decIared sane by three different psychiatrists. It made it impossibIe for me to try to expIain the nature of her madness.

So l ran. Right now. Come on! Iet's go. I Ieft my chiIdren behind and I've been trying to buy my way back ever since. Your guiIt defines her. It's what powers her. But you are not responsibIe for the idea that destroyed her. And if we are gonna succeed in this But you don't have to do that aIone. Because they have no idea the risk they've taken coming down here with you. Shot him in the dick.

Walters] Mr. If it isn't Turner and Hooch in the flesh!

Jump pdf script 21 street

You should get some tip from this guy, he's looking good! Look at those pectoral muscles. That's the kind of definition I want out of you, man. What's up, Eric? Walters, we should um For shooting my penis off? Don't sweat it, brother. I'm liberated. You know they gave me a vagina. It's awesome. You guys want to see it? No, no, no, no! No, no, no! No, it's fine. Eric's seen it. Eric's been all over that shit.

Isn't that right, Eric? Eric Molson: Hey, guess what? I'm Eric's bitch. No, you're not! Yes, I am! I'm your bitch! Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, honey. I didn't mean that, you know that, right? I'm such a bitch when the old flow shows up. It bleeds so much, it's crazy! It's like the elevator doors opening in The Shining. Your vagina doesn't fucking work, man. Worked for you last night! You're so clearly forcing Eric into this relationship.

Eric, am I forcing you into anything?

Street pdf script jump 21

Look, they sent us undercover to college to find the dealer of this new synthetic and no one will tell us anything. It's cause you guys look like fucking narcs. College kids aren't dumb like Eric.

I was supposed to go to Berkeley. Well, they gave us pictures, so we do have that. Well that's you lead, motherfucker!

That's what you start with! I know, but we can't see his face. We don't know who it is. I'm Schmidt, my pants are so dirty. That doesn't sound anything like me. You sort of sound like that. That doesn't sound anything It's not not you.

That doesn't sound anything like me! Eric, close your eyes and tell me who's talking, right now! That's Schmidt being a little bitch. It's just a good impression. Nice job, super sleuths. Did you even bother to look at the fucking picture? There's a reflection right here. Find the tattoo, find the dealer.

Fuck, man. I do stupid tattoos to drunk kids. Do you remember that stupid tattoo? A bazooka? I think I might have did it on a football player? A guy with a red mawhawk. I don't know, they all start to look the same. I think I know exactly who he's talking about.

Fuck you! Fuck you, you little walk-on, fuck! God, I love walk-on day! Is this a good time to be Q-tipping? You're all fucking pussies! Dude, you don't have to do this. I just don't want you to get hurt. I'm not gonna get hurt It's alright, man. Don't worry about it, man. You sure? I'll get it. I got it. I got. No, no. Let me get it. No, I got it. Let me just get it. I got my Q-tip in your meat. No, man. I got my I got my meat in your Q-tip.

It's like a whole new type of sandwich. It's like a meat-Q-tip. Like a meat-Q. Like a meat-Q! That's funny. It's a meat-Q sandwich. Me and this guy are having a meat-Q. What's your name? Wait, uh Yeah, it's Brad. I'm Zook. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too, man. You want to take the sleeve off? Yeah, I'm good. Dude, holy shit! What a great fucking catch! If you see that safety line at that ID line it would be quicker. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I didn't know you had wheels like that, bro. It's funny, cause he's my brother, so. Uh, Zeta, I don't know if you're thing, but I thought, you know, you could come by and meet the guys, it'd be really fun. Maybe we will.

Are you guys like together? Yeah, he's my bro. Funny, dude. Yeah, man. You too, you can come too. We'll see what we can do. Also, I said a bunch of stuff earlier that you didn't acknowledge, so. Cool, yeah.

See you then. I see you don't want to address that Look, man, do you think it's cool if you come? Cause, I mean, he kind of really just asked me, and I just don't want to throw it off with this guy.

Dude, you're tripping. We do everything together. You should lose the puka shells though. Yoh, Brad! What's up, dude? Look at we're wearing? And the same jewelry. Yeah, that's too I knew that we were gonna be connected just like that. Yeah, why don't you guys tie your dicks together and get married?

How are you doing, man? You look good in the puka. Thanks, dude. I can't believe we're wearing the same. How are you doing, Rooster? Rooster is getting some punch, why don't you go check him out? Hey, what's up? Oh, yeah, I know. I don't remember that all. You must have a really plain face. Yeah, they call me "old plain face. They call you that?

So do you have any body art or like any ink I could see? That's a pretty random question. Hey, anyway, it was so nice chatting with you, man. Nice to meet you, man. What the fuck are you doing, dude? Are you serious right now? You've been dissed. Hey, hey, dude, do you wanna go see the roof? Of course I wanna see the roof, dude! Come on, let's go. Let's go.

Come on over to the roof. Come on! I miss climbing so much. Come on. One more time. I'm just gonna go home. I don't know hard core, so Hey, Maya Angelou! Okay, I got it. So, I guess you have no interest in having a real job in the future? Absolutely not.

No, right? What about you? I'm an art major. So you definitely cannot talk any shit, cause No, I can't. I'm cannot. You're never gonna make any money in art. I'm never gonna make any money, so don't tell my parents. When I talk to your parents tonight I will not tell them about your major. Okay, thank you. You're welcome.

Alright, Art Major. What do you think about that? I would say that it's these two beings leaning up against each other in perfect balance. If one where to fall, they would just lose each other.

So, it's just about support. You can't admit that it looks exactly like testicles? That's exactly what it looks like. So is there someone who supports you? No, I'm one of those people that really likes to spend time with myself. Tell me about. I love to be alone. I am like the best at it. I just love when you're sitting there in a room, and you're just there with your thoughts and you're like, "Oh, my gosh!

I'm alone. And will anyone ever love me. I just like it. Yeah, well, if you don't want to be alone tonight, we are gonna go and hang out at the art building. Do you want to come? I expected tonight would go in a way that you wouldn't expect it.

21 Jump Street (2012)

What I didn't expect was tonight would go in the exact way that you would expect. So you guys hang out here a lot? I mean, we're not into the whole frat party kind of stuff. We like to sit around and drink some good wine and talk about some important stuff. Banging bitches and getting wasted all fucking day. Those are two of my favorite things to do. You are like a slightly less attractive version of I've been told that before.

Oh, that's Cynthia Watson's room. I thought it was late. Do you want to come in? It's only 2? I usually go to dinner at like 2 a. Sure, yeah. Why not? I'm gonna do it! I just gotta get it at the right angle. Will you stop! Stupid fucking goal post! It's not possible! You can't fucking do it. You guys might want to hold on cause this shit is coming down! Yoh, what The tattoo? What's that right there? Oh, oh, this? It's my old high school team, "The Plainview Red Herrings. Shit, that's a really outside of the box high school mascot.

Hold on, guys. Hey, why didn't you come to practice today? I mean, you're obviously good enough to play on the team. Look I'm not supposed to be here to play football. I'm just here to do my assignments and get out, that's it. I mean, yeah, school's important and whatever, but when I was throwing you the passes, it was like I had this vision of me throwing bullet T. And then all these fans just started going like, "Aaahh!

Zook, McQuade! And Zook, McQuade! Dude, I have had that exact vision like my entire life. Jenko, Zook: Look, well we fucking can. All you gotta do is join team. Yeah, why not? Fuck, yeah, dude. My tattoo. Look, that's me. I got a fucking bazooka for an arm, know what I mean? How was the um It was fun for me, it was a good time. Yeah, right. I enjoyed it. This is why I don't drink. How you doing? I'm fine. I mean, when I'm not listening to you guys fornicate all night long.

Thrusting and pumping. I thought your hip popped out at one point. I'm just saying it's like all fun and games and then you wake up in bed next to a forty year-old freshman.

I'm nineteen, so. Nineteen minutes late to pinochle? Where you're meeting your old friends in the park? Yeah, that's Oh, my gosh. Maya, look at him. He's still so sharp. This one's firing. Tell us about the war, any one of them. You're like the loudest climaxer I've ever heard. It was like the sound of like a thirty year-old sprinkler finally going off for the first time.

Well, so lovely talking with you. You're a lovely person. She seems nice. She's horrible. She was Cynthia's room mate and I felt bad for her so I told her I would room with her, so. Look, I just want you to know I'm not like "a hit and quit it" type of fella. I'm like "a hit it, continue to hit it, both physically and emotionally" kind of guy.

Hey, Doug, you're not gonna be weird about this, are you? I mean, you're cool with just hooking up? I mean, no. I mean, I'm glad you said something. Cause I don't even know if I like you when I'm sober. I know, and it's like, that doesn't even hurt, like at all. Okay, so um I'm gonna split. I'll text you later. You're good at it. What the fuck is this? This is bullshit! Are you two fucking around the school again? We got to pay for this shit, we need results!

Look, we are looking aggressively for this very specific tattoo. Or the tattoo could just be a dead end. What the fuck? It's the same case! Do the same thing! Well, it's not exactly the same case, cause uh Don't wake up my dick.

Fluid on the red eye, it hasn't got a wink of sleep. We're talking missionary. We're talking She's smart, she's an Art major. She can't be that smart, she has a fucking Art major. I will give you some dap, Schmidt.

Come on, give me some daps, man! Give me some, give me some. My Human Sexuality class is blowing my mind. Did you know I used gay slurs in high school? Yes, directed at me. Dude, I'm so sorry for being a homophone. Are we gonna talk about how weird you were today with Dickson? Look I don't think the tattoo means what you think it means.

I mean, for all we know a lot of people could have that tattoo. This tattoo? This absurdly specific tattoo? Name me one other person who has this?

For starters, Zook has it. Zook has a tattoo?! I think it's pretty popular. We've been looking for this tattoo for days! Don't you think this means that Zook is the dealer? I really want you guys to hang out. We have hung out, he's completely ignored me. I'm sorry, but we're going to have to investigate your new BFF.

We're gonna put cameras everywhere and we're gonna monitor the fuck out of what he's doing. We can't just walk into Zeta House and just put up a bunch of fucking cameras, okay? There's dudes there everywhere. Alright, your plan is stupid, I'm sorry. My plan is stupid. That's interesting. How did you know? From basically like watching you.

Yeah, exactly. I'm the fucking stupid one. Oh, that's really fucking stupid. Man, it must be hard being so different. We're exactly the same, it makes everything so much easier.

Eric, am I forcing you into anything? Look, they sent us in undercover at a college to find the dealer of this new synthetic, and no one will tell us anything. That's 'cause you guys look like fucking narcs, all right?

College kids aren't dumb like Eric. I was supposed to go to Berkeley. Well, they gave us a picture, so we do have that. Well, that's your lead, motherfucker! That's what you start with. I know, but we can't see his face, so we don't know who it is. My pants are filled with doody. That doesn't sound anything like me. You sort of sound like that. Close your eyes and tell me who's talking right now. That's Schmidt being a little bitch.

That's just not a good impression. Nice job, super sleuths. Did you even bother to look at the fucking picture? There's a reflection right here. Your fucking guy's got a tattoo. Find the tattoo, find the dealer.

Fuck, man, I don't know. I do a lot of stupid tattoos to drunk kids. Do you remember that stupid tattoo? A bazooka? Think I might have did it on a football player. Guy with a red Mohawk. They all start to look the same to me. I think I know exactly who he's talking about. Fuck you! Fuck you, you little walk-on fuck!

I can't, like, move around in these things. God, I love walk-on day! That's a weird time to be q-tipping. You're all fucking pussies!

Dude, you don't have to do this. I just don't want you to get hurt. I'm not Gonna get Dude, I am so sorry. It's all right, man. Don't worry about it, man. Are you sure? All right I got it. Okay, I got it, I got it.

I'll get it. No, no, let me get it, let me get it. No, I got it. Let me just get it. No, let me get it. I got it, I got it. Let's just Dude, I'm sorry. I got my q-tip in your meat, bro. No, man, I got my I got my meat in your q-tip.

It's like a whole new type of sandwich. Like, a meat q-tip. Like a meat-qute. That's funny. Hey, you guys want some of this sandwich? It's a meat-qute sandwich. Me and this guy are having a meat-qute. You're hilarious, dude.

What's your name? Uh, yeah, yeah, it's Brad. I'm Zook. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too, man. Blue 20! Set, hut! You love walk-on day now? Your arm all right? You want to take that sleeve off? No, I'm good. Dude, holy shit, bro. Great fucking catch, dude.

If you see that safety line up that deep, though, hit me quicker. Oh, yeah, I didn't know you had wheels like that, bro. It's funny, 'cause he's my brother. Hey, uh, you know, we have this rush party at zeta. It'd be really fun, I think. Yeah, maybe we will. Are you guys, like, together? Yeah, this is my bro. Funny, dude. You're funny. Uh, really? Um, okay. Yeah, man, sure. You, too, you can come, too. We'll see what we can do. Also, I said a bunch of stuff earlier that you didn't acknowledge Great catch.

Cool, yeah. See you then. So you won't address that? What the fuck's up with that guy? All we have to do now is rush the frat long enough to confirm that rooster has that bazooka tattoo. Look, man, do you think it's cool if you come? I just don't want to start off on the wrong foot with this guy. Dude, you're tripping. We do everything together. You should lose the puka shells, though. Things are different since you didn't go to college. Yo, Brad! What's up, dude?

Same puka, dude. You got the same Puka bros. Holy shit! Look at him, it's, like, all the same. Dude, you wear pants, too? Bros, man. I knew we were Gonna be connected, just like that. Yeah, why don't you guys just tie your dicks together and get married, right, rooster? You look good, man. What's up, rooster? How you doing, man? Digging the puka. Thanks, dude. I can't believe it's the same How you doing, rooster? Rooster is getting some pop.

Why don't you go check him out? You in the zone, bro? In the fucking zone, dude. I'm rooster. Oh, yeah, no. We've met before. I don't remember that at all. You must just have a really plain face. They call me ol' plain face. They call you that? So, do you have any body art or, like, any ink I could see? That's a pretty random question. Hey, anyway, it was so nice chatting with you, man.

Nice to meet you, man. Yo, what the fuck, bro? Yo, what the fuck are you doing, dude? You serious right now? You're being weird. You've been weird. It was just like, "what am I hearing? That is so crazy, dude. Hey, dude, you want to go see the roof? Fuck yeah, I want to see the roof, dude. Come on, let's go, let's go. Come on to the roof, come on to the roof. Come on, you can do it. Come on, come on, come on! I miss climbing so much. Come on, let's go.

22 Jump Street (2014) Movie Script

All right, uh One more time. I'm just Gonna go home. I don't know parkour, so Hey, Maya Angelou! Poetry, okay. Make fun of the poetry major. So, I guess you have no interest in having a real job in the future. Absolutely not. No, right? What about you? Um, I'm an art major. So you definitely cannot talk any shit, 'cause No, I can't. I cannot. I'm never Gonna make any money, so don't tell my parents, but When I talk to your parents tonight, I will not tell them about your major. Okay, thank you.

You're welcome. All right, art major. What do you think about that? Um, I would say that it's these two beings leaning up against each other in perfect balance. If one were to fall, they would just lose each other. So it's just about support. You can't admit that it looks exactly like testicles? That's exactly what it looks like. So, is there someone who supports you? No, I'm just one of those people that really likes to spend time with myself.

Tell me about it. I love to be alone. I am, like, the best at it. I just love when you're sitting there in a room, and you're just there with your thoughts, and you're like, "oh, my gosh, I'm alone. And, like, "do I know anyone who would care "if I just ever came out of this room or not?

It's just peaceful. I just like it. Well, if you don't want to be alone tonight, we are Gonna go hang out at the art building, if you want to come.

Okay, okay. I expected tonight would go in a way that you wouldn't expect, but what I didn't expect was tonight would go in the exact way that you would expect. So you guys hang out here a lot? I mean, we're not into the whole frat party kind of stuff. We like to sit around, just drink some good wine and talk about some important stuff. Banging bitches and getting wasted all fucking day. Those are, like, two of my favorite things to do.

You are, like, a slightly less attractive version of I've been told that before. You read my mind. Oh, that's Cynthia Watson's room. It's only 2: I thought it was late. Do you want to come in? I usually go to dinner at, like, 2: Sure, yeah, why not? I'm Gonna do it. I just got to get it at the right angle. It's impossible. You can't fucking do it. The fans used to rush the field after every win and tear down the goalposts, and coach hated it. And so he cemented them in. They storm the field, and still do it, but they just bounce around.

Fuck this goalpost, bro! You guys might want to hold on, 'cause this shit is coming down. Yo, what is that? The tattoo, what's that right there? Oh, this? It's my old high school team. The Plainview red herrings. Look at it swim. Shit, that's a really outside-of-the-box high school mascot. Hold on, guys. Hey, why don't you come to practice today? I mean, you're obviously good enough to play on the team. Look, I'm not supposed to be here to play football.

I'm just here to do my assignments and get out, that's it. I mean, yeah, school's important or whatever, but when I was throwing you those passes, it was like I knew where you were Gonna be before you went there. You know, I had this, like, vision of me throwing bullet to you, dude, and then all these fans just started going, like I have had that exact vision, like, my entire life. Like, well, we fucking can, bro.

All you gotta do is join the team. Why not? Fuck yeah, dude. What's that? My tattoo. Yeah, fuck, look. Look, it's me, Zook. Got a fucking bazooka for an arm. Know what I mean? Dude, I'm so fucking pumped you're Gonna be on this fucking team, bro.

What's up with it? How was the, um How was the sex for you? It was fun for me. It was a good time. Yeah, right. I enjoyed it. This is why I don't drink. I'm fine. I mean, I'm not listening to you guys fornicate all night long. Thrusting and pumping. I thought your hip popped out at one point. I'm just saying, it's, like, all fun and games, and then you wake up in bed next to a year-old freshman. I'm 19, so Nineteen minutes late to pinochle, where you're meeting your old friends in the park?

Yeah, that's what I meant. Oh, my gosh, Maya, look at him. He's still so sharp. That's so inspiring. Tell us about the war, any one of them. You're, like, the loudest climaxer I've ever heard. It was, like, the sound of, like, a year-old sprinkler finally going off for the first time. Okay, well, so lovely talking with you. You're a lovely person. She seems nice. She's horrible. She was Cynthia's roommate, and I felt bad for her, so I told her I would room with her.

So you probably have a bunch of stuff that you have to do today. Look, I just want you to know I'm not, like, a "hit it and quit it" type of fella.

I'm, like, a "hit it, "continue to hit it both physically and emotionally" kind of guy, so Hey, Doug, you're not Gonna be weird about this, are you? I mean, you're cool with just hooking up? I mean, no. I mean, I'm glad you said something. No, I know, and it's like, that doesn't even hurt, like, at all.

Okay, so, um I'm Gonna I'm Gonna split. I'll text you later. Great, that was great sex. You're good at it. And I'll text you, three to five minutes or something? This is bullshit. Are you two fucking around at school again? Hey, we got to pay for this shit. We need results! Look, we are looking aggressively for this very specific tattoo. Or the tattoo could just be a dead end.

It's the same case! Do the same thing. Well, it's not exactly the same case, 'cause one of us got laid last night. Don't wake up my dick. Flew in on the red-eye, hasn't gotten a wink of sleep. We're talking missionary. We're talking when I'm on top and she's on her back. She's smart, she's an art major. She can't be that smart. She's a fucking art major.

I will give you some daps, Schmidt. Give me some motherfucking daps, man! Come on, give me some. Give me some. Come on! My human sexuality class is blowing my mind. Did you know I used gay slurs in high school? Yes, directed at me. Dude, I am so sorry for being a homophone. Are we Gonna talk about how weird you were today with dickson? Look, I don't think the tattoo means what you think it means. I mean, for all we know, a lot of people could have that tattoo.

This tattoo? This absurdly specific tattoo? Name one other person who has this. For starters, Zook has it. Zook has the tattoo?

We've been looking for this tattoo for days! Do you understand this means Zook is the dealer? I really want you guys to hang out. We have hung out. He's completely ignored me. I'm sorry, but we're Gonna have to investigate your new bff. We're Gonna put cameras everywhere, and we're Gonna monitor the fuck out of what he's doing.

We can't just walk into zeta house and just put up a bunch of fucking cameras, okay? There's dudes there everywhere. All right, your plan is stupid. I'm sorry. My plan is stupid? That's interesting. I'm, like, basically done fucking watching your shit all the fucking time. Okay, yeah, exactly. I'm the fucking stupid one. Oh, that's really fucking stupid. Man, it must be hard being so different. We're exactly the same.